It has been awhile since my last blog post, but I keep feeling this pull to blog lately. So here I go again.
Since I have shared in the past about my journey with Intuitive Eating I want to share a recent experience. When we are connected to something that is a higher power than us, we feel like we are in the flow of life. We experience synchronicities that I view as confirmation we are on the right path. Recently, I kept getting these messages, almost daily. For example, I had a conversation about how I believe comparison is the thief of joy. Then I came home to listen to a podcast and the first podcast I opened was titled comparison. Uh, coincidence? I believe it’s the Universe, God, Spirit, whatever you want to call it telling me there is a message I need to hear. I kept having experiences like this all week. I felt great –high energy, enjoying life, present etc. Then Sunday afternoon hit and it was like I could not get full. I wanted to snack, which I don’t typically do and I wanted comfort foods. I woke up on Monday and felt the same way. I just felt off and couldn’t figure out why. What had changed? So I decided to take it to my meditation practice and journal.
I had a big AH-HA moment during my meditation. I was feeling sadness. My husband had a business trip planned that week and was going to be gone for two nights. Not a big deal, right? It wasn’t like he was leaving for a week or months. I know I can physically handle him being gone. I am not scared to be alone anymore and I enjoy the special time with my daughter. However, I really, like really, enjoy our day to day life. It is play time when he walks in that door every night from work. My daughter gets excited, hides, screams and runs around. As you can see from the above picture, mundane things like grocery shopping are just more fun with my husband and daughter. Our home is filled with joy, laughter and love and I just really enjoy our time as a family. We play, have dinner as a family, and play some more until it is time to start my daughter’s lengthy bedtime routine, which I also adore. Then usually we have about an hour to ourselves to talk and catch up on our day. It is much quieter when he is gone and it feels like something is missing. It feels lonely, even though I am not alone.
I realized I was eating more because I subconsciously did not want to feel that emotion. Eating is my way to numb out, to not think or be present. It’s part of what kept my disordered relationship with food going for so many years. The difference now is that I have tools to get back in alignment. After I realized I was no longer in alignment with my higher power or to myself, I first gave myself permission to really feel the emotion without any judgement. I accepted it and noticed where I felt it in my body, which is a skill that took me years to learn. Then I made the decision to do all things to help me get realigned and feel better. I made delicious food that makes my body feel great and keeps me full for several hours. I went to a hot yoga class, meditated and journaled. I felt refreshed and able to be more present. I felt more like the version of me that I love.
I know it is completely acceptable to use food as comfort sometimes, but for me it eventually leads to feeling worse. I prefer to do other activities, like yoga or take a walk, if that is available to me, but sometimes I still fall into old habits. Awareness is and always will be critical for me. Bringing awareness to the situation, acknowledging something was wrong, and then addressing the real issue (the loneliness) is ultimately what allowed me to shift back into alignment. I share all of this with you in the hopes that you might be able to bring awareness to something in your life that isn’t serving you or that you would like to change. I encourage you to give yourself the self-compassion you need and view the circumstances from a non-judgmental view point. I believe you deserve it. The last thing I want to say is to remember to find joy and beauty in day to day life because that is what allows happiness to flow in more frequently. I love big events and vacations too, but really it is about the day to day.